Have you ever just wanted to crawl into a hole and tune out the world, kids and spouse included?  There’s so much going on all day long that sometimes I have as little as five minutes to myself, and even that gets interrupted.  These days, it’s pretty normal to be easily accessible to everyone through calls, text, emails, social media, and my least favorite, FaceTime.  I still can’t figure out who taught my mom to FaceTime, but the last time she wanted to video chat, I was in the middle of getting dressed and had some body parts hanging out so that was an immediate “decline”.

Alone time is not only necessary, but essential for a clear head and to feel more grounded.   This is easier said than done, trust me I’m a busy mom, so I know the perils of daily family life.  Everyone’s pulling you in ten directions, the house is upside down, dinner has to be made, the dog needs attention, it’s creeping up on 8pm and you haven’t you haven’t exercised yet but you want to see the latest episode of Housewives before you go into work tomorrow and everyone ruins it with spoilers.  We often feel the need to be selfless with others to be helpful and have purpose, which is okay, but by taking care of yourself too, you’ll be able to put your best foot forward.

The most important factor in getting “me time” is setting some solid boundaries for yourself as well as others.  Setting boundaries can be a scary thing to some who might think they’re offending someone if they have a need.  I’m here to tell you that if you state your need clearly, effectively, and as politely as possible and the other person has an issue with or challenges your very clear need, it’s no longer your problem, but the other person’s problem for acting selfishly and not hearing you.   No need to overthink it because someone crossing your boundary isn’t an option, it’s that simple. If you plan on ignoring all phone calls between 3-6pm, that’s your business. No need to explain yourself, especially after you’ve effectively communicated your intention to do so.  Time is precious, don’t waste it feeling bad because someone doesn’t like the boundary you set.  It’s not about the other person,  it’s about you and what you need. This is hard to overcome, but over time you’ll get better at setting boundaries and the worst offenders will either get it or they won’t.  I’ve found that over the years the people who’ve crossed my boundaries were fine with it until I started speaking up for myself. That’s when I had to reevaluate my friendships and relationships with family members because I needed to be heard.

For some alone time, find your own personal space within your house if you prefer to stay home.  It could be a corner of your bedroom with a yoga mat or beanbag chair, the laundry room with the door closed, even the garage, wherever you feel happy and the least distracted.  Make a clear rule to not be interrupted!  When I’m in my space, my rule to everyone is: “I don’t want to be bothered unless someone’s bleeding and you’re giving me a head’s up that you just called 911.”   It’s hard to tune out the extra noise of everyone else, and it takes work so keep trying.  You’ll master alone time when you start to realize how much it helps your mind when you can sit and reset. Read, meditate, or play a 1/2 hour of uninterrupted Candy Crush if you want to, whatever you need to do to reset yourself. Anything is acceptable!  I have a friend who sneaks out to her garage so she can sit in her car for uninterrupted phone calls and another friend who will take a walk in silence to decompress.   Whatever you need to do is completely acceptable if you’re getting what you need from the process.  Oftentimes, I need to reset from my madness with a little weekend getaway or a really sassy girls night, but if those things aren’t attainable on a regular basis, I find what I need in order for me to come back down to earth to feel more centered and more productive.  I hide in my closet with some music, my affirmation cards and my journal with strict instructions to not be interrupted.  It usually turns into me hiding out wearing red lipstick and serious high heels with whatever outrageous outfit I have on that day, but it’s me time so I can do whatever I want and sometimes I just want to feel like a feminine goddess.  

Recently, I purchased some serious speakers during quarantine to play my music throughout the house and it has really changed my mood.  I put whatever I feel inspired by that day, sometimes it’s folk music, sometimes it’s rap music, other times it’s 70s hits, or 90’s grunge.  If music is distracting to everyone in the house, put on your earbuds and go about your business. Background music is a really great way to tune things out and keep you moving, and it’s also very therapeutic.  This is my favorite cheat when I don’t have time to sit for a few minutes but I still need a break.  You can take your own vacation in your head, one that no one else is invited to!  Finding time for your hobbies is a great way to reconnect with yourself as well, or even going for a pedicure if you need an escape is helpful.  Everyone gets emotional fuel from something, so find what makes you feel good and do it for yourself.

It’s hard trying to put yourself first and many of us feel guilty stealing some alone time with so many responsibilities, but learning to put yourself first when you’re not okay helps you to regroup making things better for yourself and for others.  If making yourself a priority is too difficult, ask yourself what’s holding you back from doing so, why are you not important enough to put yourself as a priority when you’re not okay?  Why do you frequently help friends and family when they’re upset or need to talk, but you have a hard time helping yourself?  Is it that hard to make yourself a cup of tea and curl up with a book when you’ve had a bad day? What if you’re that person who can’t sit still for 5 minutes; are you keeping yourself busy with things all day long to avoid facing reality or something internal that needs addressing?  If so, what’s so bad about your life that you can’t sit in stillness and self reflect?  That might be the start of another issue, but I find the healthiest minded people are the ones who can sit in their discomfort to self-reflect.  We all need work from time to time and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable in this process, that leads to growth.

Don’t forget that you’re the boss of your time.  Don’t let anyone interrupt you, make you feel bad, rush you, or try to tag along!  Be clear with your needs and what you want with the time you’re dedicating to yourself.  The rules are that there are no rules because you’re the only one who knows what you’re craving, so honor your feelings and follow your intuition- that’s your soul letting you know what you need.  

♥